2017
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Joke: Best excuses to miss a day of work #1!

***If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

***I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

***I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday, and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

***I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

***I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.

***I prefer to remain an enigma.


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