2017
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16 Food Jokes

Joke: The family of tomatoes

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, 'Ketchup!'

- The Joker


Joke: Two muffins in an oven!

Two muffins are in an oven.

1st muffin: Hey do you think it's getting hot in here?

2nd muffin: Ahh! A talking muffin!

- The Joker


Joke: Pizza Fun

'According to a brand new study by Italian scientists, eating one or more entire pizzas a week dramatically reduces the chance of getting cancer. Mainly because it's hard to get cancer after dying from a heart attack.'

-Conan O'Brien

- The Joker


Joke: Did ya know That...

Vegetarian is an old Indian word meaning, 'Not good at hunting.'

- The Joker


Joke: If we aren't supposed to eat animals...

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

- The Joker


Joke: When life gives you melons...

When life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.

- The Joker


Joke: Top 17 things to do while ordering a pizza!

1. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

2. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

3. Put them on hold.

4. Report a petty theft to the order taker.

5. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

6. Be vague in your order. When they ask what you'd like on your pizza say, "Oh, a little of this, a little of that..."

7. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

8. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

9. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

10. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

11. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

12. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

13. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the jazz about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly unhealthy.

14. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"

15. When they say, "Will that be all?" snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

16. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.

17. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

- The Joker


Joke: My dad tried to force feed me...

My dad tried to force feed me when I was a child. After about 20 minutes or so my mom would say "just use a spoon Jerry, you're not a jedi!"

- The Joker


Joke: The Mexican

A Mexican family crosses over the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are paved with gold. But the husband can find no work.

His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a tree, and begins to pray: 'Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed my family...'

Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see the man coming over the top of the hill, who is stumbling wildly with a broken grocery sack. When the Mexican man opens his eyes, a large wheel of cheddar cheese rolls down the hill an lands at his feet!

'Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you!' he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home. Upon returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her to make nachos.

'But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and burritos and other things?' she inquires. 'No,' the husband says, 'Jesus sent this to me with a message... As I ran home,

I kept hearing Him yell, 'THAT'S NACHO CHEESE! THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!'

- The Joker


Joke: If you say gullible really slowly...

If you say gullible really slowly, it sounds like "green gummy bears."

- The Joker


Joke: Change is inevitable!

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

- The Joker


Joke: Temp Talk

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

'Oh, I really don't care or mind,' Said the waiter with a smile. 'We don't even have an air conditioner.'

- The Joker


Joke: Solution!

The Solution for anyone on a diet~

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner!

- The Joker


Joke: I like rice!

I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

- The Joker


Joke: Food chain!

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

- The Joker


Joke: Giant marshmallow dream!

I dreamt I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

- The Joker




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