4 Golf Jokes
Joke: The Compassionate Golfer!!!
Two men are playing a round of golf one sunny afternoon. The bet was $1,000 per stroke. The game was fiercely competitive and there was no great love lost between the two.
Upon reaching the green of the twelfth hole, something odd happened. One of the golfers approached his ball which lay on the very edge of the green. He eyed it's preferred path to the hole and prepared to commence forward with his shot. All of a sudden he paused; held his head in acute alertness and turned toward the road just outside the Course's fenced boundary. A rather lengthy funeral procession was about to pass by. The golfer removed his hat and crossed it over his heart, bowing his head sorrowfully. The procession lasted nearly ten minutes and the golfer didn't move until the last car passed. He then promptly placed his hat back atop his head, bent over his ball and knocked it straight into the cup nearly 75 feet away.
The second golfer stood in utter amazement. He wiped a tear from his eye and shouted from the fairway, "No matter how the shot turned out, that, my old friend, was the greatest display of pure sportsmanship I have ever witnessed. You showed respect and compassion for the passing of another human life and took time out of your favorite game to do so, even with the risk that the break in concentration may have cost you $1000."
The second golfer nodded and said, "Yes. We would have been married for 35 years tomorrow. I sure am going to miss her."
- The Joker
Joke: Lucky Frog!!!
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron."
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me."
He figures why not, especially after all that the frog has done for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous girl. "And that, Hilary, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God. Or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."
- The Joker
Joke: Golf Talk!!!
Four men are out golfing, and they are just about to start off when one of them gets a phone call. He steps away to take it, and while talking the other three continue on with their conversation, which was boasting about their sons.
"My son," Said the first guy, "Is in real estate. I'm not exactly sure how he is doing, but lately he has given a good friend a large house as a gift."
The second guy, not to be outdone, talks about his son. "My son is a stockbroker. Just the other week he gave a friend a overly large amount of profitable stock."
The third guy, listening to the other, states that his son was in Car sales, and has recently given a great friend a convertible Mercedes.
Then the fourth guy comes back over after his call ends, and the first guy tells him they were talking about their sons. "Oh," says the first guy. "My son is gay and has no job." The other three stare in horror. "But he cant be to bad at it, because recently three of his ex-lovers have given him a large house, a big stock portfolio, and a convertible Mercedes."
- The Joker
Joke: Avid Golfer!!!
A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.
To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree." With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."
- The Joker