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14 Music Jokes

Joke: Banjo Jokes...!

How many banjo players does it take to screw in a light bulb? five; one to screw it in and four to (a.) complain that it's electric. (b.) lament about how much they miss the old one. (c.) stand around and watch.

What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)... (a.) onion no one cries when you cut up a banjo. (b.) uzzie an uzzie only repeats forty times. (c.) chain saw a chain saw has a dynamic range. and/or you can turn a chainsaw off. (d.) Harley Davidson motorcycle you can tune a Harley. (e.) Trampoline you take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

Playing the banjo is a lot like throwing a javelin blindfolded...you don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit? Will the defendant please rise.

What do you get when you throw a banjo and an accordion off the Empire State Building? Who Cares...

What did the banjo player get on his IQ (or SAT) test? drool...

What will you never say about a banjo player? that's the banjo player's porsche.

How many professional banjo players does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Professional banjo players can't afford light bulbs.

- The Joker

Joke: Amp!

What do you throw a drowning bass player? His amp.

- The Joker

Joke: Piano!

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

- The Joker

Joke: Moving Targets!

I assume you know why pipers like to march when they are playing? Because it's harder to hit a moving target.

- The Joker

Joke: Violist Fire

A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be. The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came to your house and burned it down." The violist replied, "You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?"

- The Joker

Joke: Latest Accordion Joke

A fellow walking into a pub says: "Do you want to hear my latest accordion joke?" "Now, I play the accordion" says the bartender, a large strapping fellow."That gentleman at the end of the bar, the one who look like a logger, he plays the accordion. And that big gentleman playing darts over there, he plays the accordion. Do you still want to tell your joke?" "No, I don't feel like explaining it three times."

- The Joker

Joke: Donald MacDonald at Harvard!

A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. "And how are the American students, Donald?" she asked.

"They're so noisy," he complained. "One neighbor endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night."

"How do you put up with it?"

"I just ignore them and play my bagpipes."

- The Joker

Joke: Piccolos playing in unison

How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?

Shoot one.

- The Joker

Joke: I could do that better ya know...

Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 50. 1 to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better.

- The Joker

Joke: Music Nightmare!

"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.

"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."

"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

- The Joker

Joke: Bassists are loaded!

A couple of enterprising bass players, unwilling to sit through a long, bass-less stretch of Beethoven's Ninth, sneaked off stage and into the bar next door. Beer flowed; time passed. "Look at the time! We have to get back!" said one. "Relax," said his partner, "I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It will take him a few minutes to untangle it." They staggered back into the hall and took their places. About this time, a member of the audience noted that the conductor was breaking a sweat. "Of course," replied her companion, "It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score's tied, and the bassists are loaded!"

- The Joker

Joke: Old Chicken Joke!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from the bassoon recital.

- The Joker

Joke: Cello!

How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin.

- The Joker

Joke: Piano!

How many string bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.

- The Joker

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