2017
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17 Science Jokes

Joke: Economists, and efficient market theory!

Two economists are walking down the street when ones sees a hundred dollar bill and points it out to his friend. "Is that a $100 bill lying in the gutter?"

"No" his friend replies "If it were a $100 bill, someone would have picked it up already."

So they walk on by.

- The Joker


Joke: An infinite number of mathematicians!

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You're all a bunch of idiots."

- The Joker


Joke: Two types of people in the world!

There are two types of people in the world:

Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data

- The Joker


Joke: And then God created Saturn...

And then God created Saturn... And he liked it, so he put a ring on it.

- The Joker


Joke: Three logicians walk into a bar!

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender says "Do you all want something to drink?"

The first logician says "I don't know."

The second logician says "I don't know."

The third logician says "Yes."

(Explanation: The first and second knew that they wanted a drink but didn't know what the following logician would want, so they couldn't be certain that they would all want one. When it got to the third logician he was able to confirm it because neither of the other two had said no.)

- The Joker


Joke: Pavlov's Dogs and Schrodinger's Cat...

A man walks into a library, and says to the Librarian, "I'm looking for a book that's been recommended to me... It's about Pavlov's Dogs and Schrodinger's Cat... Do you know it?"

The Librarian answers, "well, that rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not."

- The Joker


Joke: I like you, but...

I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

- The Joker


Joke: What is a statistician?

A statistician is someone who tells you, when you've got your head in the fridge and your feet in the oven, that you're - on average - very comfortable.

- The Joker


Joke: Traveling to Mars!

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer to Mars."

- The Joker


Joke: What does DNA stand for?

What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association.

- The Joker


Joke: Statistician twins!

A statistician gave birth to twins, but only had one of them baptized. She kept the other as a control.

- The Joker


Joke: People who Understand Binary!

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don't.

- The Joker


Joke: Explaining a joke!

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better, but the frog dies.

- The Joker


Joke: Parallel lines!

Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.

- The Joker


Joke: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it's a hardware problem.

- The Joker


Joke: Predicting the outcome of a horse race!

A group of wealthy investors wanted to be able to predict the outcome of a horse race. So they hired a group of biologists, a group of statisticians, and a group of physicists. Each group was given a year to research the issue.

After one year, the groups all reported to the investors. The biologists said that they could genetically engineer an unbeatable racehorse, but it would take 200 years and $100bn. The statisticians reported next. They said that they could predict the outcome of any race, at a cost of $100m per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time.

Finally, the physicists reported that they could also predict the outcome of any race, and that their process was cheap and simple. The investors listened eagerly to this proposal. The head physicist reported, "We have made several simplifying assumptions: first, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere..."

- The Joker


Joke: You're not deluded!

Psychiatrist to patient: "Don't worry. You're not deluded. You only think you are."

- The Joker




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